My name means gift from god.
But how can I be a gift from a thing that doesn’t exist,
or from an idea I don’t believe in?
I suppose it’s the thought that counts.
I suppose I could shift perspective and reframe:
my name means gift from the universe.
The universe does exist, and I do believe in its infinite capacity to give and receive.
And also to create and destroy, to show and hide,
but never allude
or force us to be unnatural:
not just good and right,
but a specific flavor of good, a certain sense of right,
bending to rules on how to exist in such a way
the universe itself becomes something other than what it is:
A big box of things with finite shapes and predefined purposes.
The gift then is not a gift but a Trojan horse:
“Here parents, this is for you.
Disclaimer: you must use her in this specific way,
and she must be this way always.”
If that is the thought, how thoughtless…and shortsighted
‘cause I have never been, I am not now,
and I can confidently predict that
I will never be always good in any flavor and always right by any design.
I am, as all things, a microcosm of the universe.
I can never be any one thing at all times
but many things always.